Years ago my life offered up a juxtaposition with a profound lesson. I was a mom of two little girls under the age of 5 and relishing the experience. During that time I was asked to help lead the youth group at my church. During the day, I spent my time oohing and awing over crayon drawings of heads with arms and legs coming out of them. Not that my two daughters needed my praise; they clearly felt whatever they created was a masterpiece without my saying so. In the evenings once or twice a week and every weekend, I spent time teaching and playing with girls ages 12 to 18. I began to notice something startling. My little girls preened and danced and colored and delighted in themselves and life. You could tell them they were smart, kind, talented, beautiful and they would grin and nod knowingly. Not so with the teens I loved. They would continuously scrutinize themselves and find themselves terribly lacking. Try to compliment them and they deflected. Of course, there were...
Posts
It's Monday, the day after Mother's Day. Did you all survive? I say survive, because for some reason, Mother's Day is harrowing for a lot of women. I hate that that is the case, but this weekend I heard three different women state that that they'd be happier without the holiday. These are not women who wanted to be mothers, but never got the chance. They are not divorced raising kids on there own. They are all very good mothers. There are many legitimate reasons to loathe Mother's day. But there are just as many reasons that are lame. And sad. And they stem from guilt. I think we mom's feel that Mother's Day is about acknowledging what great mom's we are. Hence, cards and school projects (both tacky and useless and adorable) that proclaim to us "World's Best Mom." Which, lets be honest, makes us all feel like a fraud. Even the woman that actually is the world's best mom, wherever she is, feels a shame dump when she reads those wor...
Chloe, my 8 yr old, putting her (pink) shoes on this morning. This morning is Valentine's. I LOVE Valentine's. I love all the pink and red and little cards exchanged at school. I especially love the traditions I've established around this holiday with my family. But some of those traditions are changing, and just like the dark chocolate truffles I am sure to get today, it is bittersweet. I have three daughters and years ago, when my oldest was in 1st grade, I braided her hair into a heart. She was thrilled and practically floated into school, basking all day in the attention as people noticed her heart coiffed hair. And thus a tradition was born. I braced myself for Valentine's morning. Getting three little heads braided into a heart before school and preschool was, well, lets say we have a reliable record of tardies on Valentine's day. Can you imagine my relief at the ultrasound of my fourth child- a boy! Thank heavens!! Despite the stress in the morning, I...
While busily preparing dinner few months ago, I commented to a friend on the phone that I was, "just worn out." It had been a long day that began too early and I was trudging grudgingly through what remained to be done before bed time. A few minutes later, I noticed Chloe, my 8 year old, in a creative frenzy with paper, markers, glitter. . . (she gets that from her artist father, my creative frenzy looks like dessert ). I was commanded not to look. She next requested help from a sibling to drag a card table upstairs. A few minutes later she began squirreling away with dishes from my kitchen. I had a pretty good idea of where this was going; my 8 year old is an incurable romantic. (The only one in our house, I might add.) I, not being quite as romantic in my nature, was thinking of the work involved in cleaning up her scheme, but I digress. By the time my husband got home I had dinner ready (can you hear the heavenly angels singing? They do that when I can manage to have...
When you were a kid, how much screen time were you allowed? I have no recollection of clear rules about how much TV we could watch (TV being the only screen we owned). This is possibly because I remember almost no clear rules from my childhood (the two rules I remember: work hard and be honest). More likely there weren't strict rules for TV time, because there was no need. After all, there were only 5 channels and cartoons were only on some of the time. Either way, parenting clearly includes a new set of tasks that it didn't for the last generation. We have to limit screen time, lest our kids brains turn to mush (or so the fear mongering media warns). We have to monitor text messages and Facebook and Instagram and internet use. We have to teach our children how to interact with technology. All of this is utterly exhausting! So, when it comes to technology, I'm taking the principle approach, which is this: teach sound principles and then let them manage themselves when the...
I remember, as a teen, occasionally thinking my Mom was crazy. I now know, that at the very same moment, she was thinking I was the crazy one. The other day I was looking over my teens shoulder as she checked Instagram. After a few snarky comments from me such as, "seriously, they are taking a picture of their Starbucks drink?! Imagine if they drank a hot chocolate and WE NEVER KNEW ABOUT IT! That would be terrible!" I asked, "how many people are you following?" The answer: 203. Now, before I tell you that I was shocked by that number and found it ridiculous, I should confess something. I have been very slow to jump on the social media bandwagon (I just recently created a Facebook account and have no idea how it works). I have nothing against social media. I think it is neither inherently good or bad, just like a hammer is neither good nor bad. If you use a hammer to fix something, good. If you use a hammer to knock some sense into your child, bad. Same with socia...
I've read several books on teenagers and parenting teens. This book has had the biggest impact. It has absolutely altered my world view as well as my parenting. The two things I disliked first: the title (silly I know, but Teen 2.0 is not very descriptive, although the subtitle is a help). The second thing is that this book is HUGE. The biggest parenting book I've ever bothered with. It is a hefty 535 pages, but take heart, it is only 376 if you don't count the appendix and index. Such a large appendix and index are evidence of the thorough research the author has done, which isn't surprising as he holds a Ph.D. and is a professor of psychology. Now, why I love this book. Epstein takes some basic assumptions I held (and you do too, I suspect) about adolescence and smashes them. Absolutely destroys them. I love this! It is largely why I love travel, as a side note. We all hold certain things to be self-evident and true based on our experience and culture, but when ...