Skip to main content

One Of Us Is Crazy


I remember, as a teen, occasionally thinking my Mom was crazy. I now know, that at the very same moment, she was thinking I was the crazy one. The other day I was looking over my teens shoulder as she checked Instagram. After a few snarky comments from me such as, "seriously, they are taking a picture of their Starbucks drink?! Imagine if they drank a hot chocolate and WE NEVER KNEW ABOUT IT! That would be terrible!" I asked, "how many people are you following?" The answer: 203. Now, before I tell you that I was shocked by that number and found it ridiculous, I should confess something. I have been very slow to jump on the social media bandwagon (I just recently created a Facebook account and have no idea how it works). I have nothing against social media. I think it is neither inherently good or bad, just like a hammer is neither good nor bad. If you use a hammer to fix something, good. If you use a hammer to knock some sense into your child, bad. Same with social media. Most days I felt lucky if I knew where my kids were and what they were doing and since I didn't always even know that much, keeping up on my old roommate from college just wasn't realistic. (Look at that kid in a diaper in the middle of the road down there- squint- OH MY GOSH that is my kid!)
Just because I don't use social media much doesn't mean I don't have an opinion on how it should be used. I have an opinion on almost everything, my friends and enemies will tell you. And since I dislike laying down rules for my teens when I can avoid it (read this to understand why), my daughter was subjected to a sermon on social media. Here is what I think: social media is a way of connecting with people we care about. It can also be a drain on our time, which can be damaging to the relationships we have with people we care about. So, we should use it judiciously. We should not be investing our time in keeping tabs on an acquaintance we met once on a vacation, we simply don't have enough time to do that and maintain meaningful relationships with our dearest friends and family. At least I don't. I asked my daughter to think before she started following someone, "is this someone I know and care about enough to invest my time in?"
My daughter thinks I'm crazy. All her friends follow at least that many people, it is just fun, she tells me. I think she is crazy. How can there really be 203 people that you care enough about to spend your time looking at pictures of what they had for lunch??? She thinks I am out of touch with reality. She is right and so am I. I am out of touch with reality. Most people are not using Instagram how I would like my kids to use it. Still, I want my children to approach their use of social media with some sound guiding principles. Those principles include using social media thoughtfully, in such a way that it  enriches their life and connection with the people who are important to them. And above all, never engaging so much with what is happening in the virtual world that the relationships you hold dear in the real world are weakened. Now, my daughter does not spend too much time on Instagram. Far from it, so I cannot complain that it is taking time away from those she loves. She also listened patiently to my tirade and did no more then roll her eyes. And she grudgingly went through her list and un-followed 50 people to appease me. For my part, I will try to remember that my ideal may not be realistic for a 14 year old's world and let my daughter make some of her own decisions as she learns how to manage social media in her life.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Media Literacy

Years ago my life offered up a juxtaposition with a profound lesson. I was a mom of two little girls under the age of 5 and relishing the experience. During that time I was asked to help lead the youth group at my church. During the day, I spent my time oohing and awing over crayon drawings of heads with arms and legs coming out of them. Not that my two daughters needed my praise; they clearly felt whatever they created was a masterpiece without my saying so.  In the evenings once or twice a week and every weekend, I spent time teaching and playing with girls ages 12 to 18. I began to notice something startling. My little girls preened and danced and colored and delighted in themselves and life. You could tell them they were smart, kind, talented, beautiful and they would grin and nod knowingly. Not so with the teens I loved. They would continuously scrutinize themselves and find themselves terribly lacking. Try to compliment them and they deflected. Of course, there were...

Go To Hell, It's Summer!

 Yesterday was the last day of school for my three oldest kids. I feel like I just crossed the finish line of a marathon, hands on my knees gasping for air.  The past few weeks I’ve passed other parents at bus stops, in school hallways, on field trips and returned their dazed looks with “how are you?” The predominant refrain is, “you know, June is crazy.” Yes, I know. Here is a sampling of what has been added to my already full schedule this month. Three separate choir concerts, a dance recital, 6 field trips, an end of the year medieval celebration, my daughter's formal “spring fling dance” and middle school graduation. Somewhere in there is the pressure to get (or even worse- make) a grand thank you gift for all my kid’s teachers and the guilt of failing, again, to do this simple task that everyone else seems capable of. Top that off with under-slept kids frantic about finals, excited about yearbooks and over sugared from end of the year celebrations. As I ...

Media Literacy How-To

Following my last post on media literacy, which focused on girls, I received this question from Lindsey, “ Can you share some dialogue examples for pointing out the dehumanizing tricks? I want to help my boys recognize this, but I haven't been able to come up with a succinct way of talking about it.” Photo Source  I hate to include examples of advertising that I find so abhorrent, but we must understand what we are up against. Since I didn’t acknowledge it in my last post, let me say here that the harm wrought on girls by media and advertising in no way exceeds the damage to boys. Levin and Kilbourne  explain, “Boys learn to look at girls as sex objects, they really learn a lot about how to treat girls. At the same time, boys are seeing images of being violent, tough and macho which go against being able to have caring connective relationships when they grow up.” How sad. Our boys are hit constantly with a double whammy (be tough and girls are objects to be manipu...