Skip to main content

Let Them Cry!!


Last week, I was in the grocery store with my four year old son. He was upset about something, I can't remember what, perhaps my refusal to buy goldfish crackers. At any rate, he was crying. We passed an older gentleman who looked at him and said, "You're too old to be crying." Somehow it just struck me all wrong. If I had been standing there with a four year old girl, I'd be willing to bet he never would have told her she was too old to be crying. I have three daughters and I have been vastly irritated at the messages the world sends them- be thin, be sexy, make it all look effortless. I've spent considerable amounts of time trying to deconstruct those messages with my daughters. Today it was my sons turn. I looked right at him and said, "of course your not too old to cry. If you feel sad, you can cry. You never get too old to cry." And I hugged him (which was nice, though he would have preferred the crackers). According to Brene Brown, the insidious message our culture sends men is, "never be weak." I suppose that message is so engrained and internalized that a well intentioned gentleman at the store felt uncomfortable seeing my son cry and even anxious to shore up the "never be weak" message.

My intrepid Dad with my daughter
Crying is not weakness. A long, long time ago, before 3 daughters and a son another boy in my life cried. It was a pivotal moment of caring and love, but it was not weakness. It was just a few weeks before my wedding and I was having my "cold feet" moment. Were we doing the right thing? Was I sure? Was he sure? I was having this anxiety filled conversation with my betrothed. He got up and said he needed to go outside for a minute. He had turned from me, but I thought I saw something. I grabbed him and turned him toward me. He was crying!! He had not wanted me to see it. In an instant all my doubts, fears and concerns melted away. This man loved me (poor misguided soul)! More then I had imagined! I knew suddenly and completely that this was a man who would stick by my side and love me, even when I left him standing on a roadside in the middle of nowhere. And he has. So, I say, let's let our girls be flawed and imperfect and know they still have immeasurable value. And please, let's let our men cry and have emotion and tenderness and know that there tenderness makes them strong and wise! To the greatest men I know, my Dad and Husband and Son, thank you for the love and tenderness and even the tears you've gifted me!
The two boys I live with, love and am inspired by everyday.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Go To Hell, It's Summer!

 Yesterday was the last day of school for my three oldest kids. I feel like I just crossed the finish line of a marathon, hands on my knees gasping for air.  The past few weeks I’ve passed other parents at bus stops, in school hallways, on field trips and returned their dazed looks with “how are you?” The predominant refrain is, “you know, June is crazy.” Yes, I know. Here is a sampling of what has been added to my already full schedule this month. Three separate choir concerts, a dance recital, 6 field trips, an end of the year medieval celebration, my daughter's formal “spring fling dance” and middle school graduation. Somewhere in there is the pressure to get (or even worse- make) a grand thank you gift for all my kid’s teachers and the guilt of failing, again, to do this simple task that everyone else seems capable of. Top that off with under-slept kids frantic about finals, excited about yearbooks and over sugared from end of the year celebrations. As I ...
Parenting’s Unexpected Gift As we walk into the old, sprawling new and used bookstore to join their monthly book club for the first time, I can feel the eyes of the group on us, their curiosity plain, though they are generous of spirit and welcoming. It will be four more months before one of them works up the nerve to ask how we know each other, trying to decipher our relationship. We make an odd pair, I suppose. Jan is the older of us two. Same age as my own mom, in fact. She exudes warmth and acceptance, which draws people to her. Then they become smitten by her wit, intelligence and self-deprecating grace. She is also, to use her word, “butch.” Everything she wears was purchased in the men’s department. She’s got a wallet in the back pocket of her Carhartt pants. Her ears, however, dangle silver Native American art. She once lived on a reservation in Montana where she worked with Native Americans and their culture has held sway in her heart ever since. I, on the...

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

I just started Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. I hope you know that name, but if not, rush over to ted.com . Watch http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html and then watch http://www.ted.com/talk /brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html . I love smart people with great ideas! I loved her TED talks, I will let you know what I think of her book when I finish. Update: I like a person who normalizes all my foibles. I love a person who normalizes them and then shows me a better way. Brene gets the job done. I definitely recommend this book, however, if I were to do it over, I would read Brene Brown's The Gifts of Imperfection first. Either way, you'll be gratified by her down to earth, insightful wisdom. Specifically, this book addresses the salient issues of shame, scarcity mentality and disengagement. Her solutions resonate and are backed by solid research.